I can almost see your face, but not quite. It’s more I can feel how it feels to have you looking at me.
safe. desired. secure. home.
You won’t look at me like I’m “the only girl in the world” because what kind of choice is that? Instead, you’ll look at me, acknowledge all of the other girls and options, and you’ll still choose me because my heart is the one you want, not just the one available to you.
In fact, you’ll choose me even though I’m not yet there. You’ll choose me before you meet me in the moments when you’re forced to re-establish your standards and what you are looking for. Those tough moments brought on by heartache when you think “I thought I had found her.” You didn’t. Not yet. In those moments you’ll think of me, and you’ll choose to feel the warmth that hope brings to you when you remember your worth. The moments when you remind yourself what you deserve. In those moments, the past and current heartaches won’t matter as much because you’ll know we’ll soon find one another.
You’ll have prayed for me and dreamt me up just as I have with you. Our “list” won’t match entirely; but they will compliment one another. You’ll find my flaws and quirks to be endearing characteristics of who I am; and I’ll think the same of you. Whatever they may be.
Though we are craving to find one another…we’ll wait. You’ll take your time and I’ll take it slow. We won’t rush the process of getting to know one another because we both know how important it is. We also know we have been waiting our entire lives to get to know each other, so we won’t take for granted the small moments that will eventually make up our story.
I’m sure I’m not making the process of finding each other any easier. You see, I’m kind of a contradiction to my core. I go through phases of wishing you would find me, to moments of just needing to be alone. To be completely honest, I will probably always be that way even after we find each other.
You should know my independence and ability to find peace in any situation are two attributes of who I am that I have fought incredibly hard for; and trying to get me to give those things up would be a pointless battle. I won’t. I will, however, invite you to be a part of it.
Many people have tried to mask their insecure desire to be needed as genuine interest in my peaceful disposition in an attempt to shatter it. Success in this makes those people feel powerful and in control. Admittedly, I have allowed this to happen many times. While those relationships were heartbreaking, I have learned to spot the difference between those who want to use me, and those who want to value me.
For you, the thought to use me will never cross your mind. Instead your instinct will be to protect me. Not because I need it, but because you know hearts are safer with an army behind them. I will protect your heart just as fiercely.
Every day I put another stone on the wall around my heart to keep it safe; and you’ll understand that with time I’ll allow you to take those stones away and you will replace them with stain-glass windows. The glass will give others a peak into who I am, and the iridescence of the glass will teach others to see perspective; for they will see a different color depending on where they look. And yet, there will still be a subtle barrier because you know I need it.
Though there have been many who took my breath away, you will be the one who reminds me to breathe.
I do not know you, and I do not know the places you have been. But I do know there is a place for you at my table. I know there is room for your laughter, your tears, your stories, your thoughts on all the things that make up your soul and the dreams you have for your future. There is room for you; in this moment, and all the moments to follow.
I can’t wait to meet you.
Who knows? Maybe I already have.
